Ephesians 5:22-33 "Submit and Love"

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                This is one of those texts that I found quite humorous as I prepared throughout the week.  It’s not humorous because of its content, but because I know that there are some very interested people sitting here waiting to hear what I have to say about these words.  In particular, many of the female persuasion, and one in particular, who happens to live under the same roof as I do.  Well, I can assure all of you that we’re not tackling my opinions today, but we’re wrestling with God’s word in the truest way we can, and we’re relying upon the Holy Spirit for a right interpretation of that word.  So, rest assured that what we’re pulling out of this text is not my opinion, but God’s word as He inspired the Apostle Paul to record it all those years ago.  If you don’t like what you hear, well then that’s simply a matter of you not agreeing with God, which is fine.  I guess you’re entitled to do so; however, one of you is fallible and the other isn’t.

                With all of that being said, I want to remind you that we’re in the application portion of Paul’s letter about the Church, the bride of Christ.  We’ve just finished a section that told us that being filled with the Spirit and remaining in the light of Christ are the only hope that we have for putting off the old self and putting on the new.  In other words, the only hope we have of truly changing and following Christ is to submit and be led and guided by God through the work of the Holy Spirit.  With that in mind, Paul chooses to give the Ephesians three different relationship examples as a means of explaining right relationships and right submission and obedience to his audience.  He gives them the relationship between husbands and wives that we’re going to look at today.  And over the next few weeks, we will look at the relationship between parents and children, and between masters and slaves (bosses and employees).  And if we really think about it, this is a perfectly logical order going from most foundational to least.  Now, that’s not to say that any one relationship is less important than another, but if we’re speaking in terms of God, then we’re moving from the one that He instituted first to the one He instituted last.  Marriage is the original relationship institution created by God.  It’s the only one (other than our relationship with Him) that was created before the fall.  Yes, bearing children was commanded and working was as well (although not in a master/slave capacity), but marriage happened prior to the fall.  It is the institution above all other earthly relationships.  And I think that Paul focuses on all of these relationships because he wants us to understand that our faiths are not simply personal matters, but are to be lived out amongst other people, to be shared within a community.

                Now, there is a two-fold aspect to this passage.  On the one hand, it is a passage that describes our relationship with Christ.  On the other hand, it is a biblical passage on how earthly marriage ought to look.  And the way that we’re going to approach this text today is by examining it from an earthly marriage perspective first; and then we’ll conclude by relating that understanding to our relationship with Christ.  Now, the problem for many comes in with the first few words, “Wives, submit to you husbands.”  Part of the problem is that we don’t like the word submit.  It leaves a bad taste in our mouths.  When we think of submission we think of something or someone being the weaker of two parties.  If someone submits in an athletic competition, then we think of them as being weaker or less worthy or valuable than their counterpart.  What’s interesting about this phrasing here is that the verb “to submit” isn’t anywhere in this text.  The concept of submission is taken from the previous verse (21) when we are called to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  Now, I’m not saying that this first verse is wrong; I’m just saying that the command to submit to Christ is then carried over into marriage.  I know that the language here rubs some the wrong way.  Just look at what Paul continues to write.  “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”  Now, I’m going to save the linking of all of this to Christ for a minute, because I want to point out what I think we often do with this verse.  People read this verse and see nothing of the words about Christ, but instead see only the words of a perceived superiority of husbands over wives.

                Look, I’m not saying that Paul’s writing indicates that men are better than women.  I’m not going to stand up here and say that the fact that Adam was created before Eve shows that women are inferior to men.  I don’t believe either of those things to be true, nor do I find sufficient biblical evidence to make those claims.  However, I do think that there has to be some acknowledgement that the role of the husband is as the head of the household.  I know that we live in a different situation today, but I’m talking about how we see it given to us in Scripture.  One cannot refute (at least not with any information) that that seems to be the family structure as God gives it.  Again, if we disagree with God then let’s just remember which one of us is the fallible one in the disagreement. 

However, beginning in verse 25, the picture begins to get a little bit clearer when Paul turns his attention to the husbands.  “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.”  Some people read this and say, “Wives are called to total submission and husbands are only called to love?”  Well, isn’t love submission in a sense?  I think that James Boice does as good of a job of summing up this balance between husbands and wives as anyone else that I’ve found.  Boice says, “But just because the wife is to submit to her husband does not give the husband a right to act like a petty tyrant around the house.  In fact, he is not to be a tyrant at all.  If the wife’s standard in the marriage is the very high standard of her love for and submission to Jesus, the man’s standard is to be even higher.  He is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  No woman will have much trouble submitting to a man who loves like that.  No good woman will struggle hard against a man who is willing to die for her.”  In other words, marriage is a two-way street.

                Marriage is hard.  The other two relationships that we are going to look at (parenting and having employees) are hard as well.  However, marriage seems to be the one that we struggle with the most today.  Part of that has to do with the fact that we’ve created this out-clause in marriage.  Whether it’s the habitual divorcee, the couple who go into marriage with divorce as a completely viable option, the single person who has just seen divorce happen way to often so they don’t even bother, the marriage that ended because of an affair, or any other marital casualty that we could name.  I stand here before y’all a guy who’s only been married for 10 years.  Some of you have forgotten more of your marriage than I’ve had of mine.  You don’t need me to tell you that it’s hard.  The question that we’re all left asking ourselves is why in the world the institution of marriage has crumbled so much in recent years (and when I say recent I mean much more than the last 10 or 20 years)?  To put it bluntly, no one bothers to read the instruction manual any more.  A bunch of y’all are wondering what in the heck I’m talking about.  Well, I’ll tell you exactly what I mean by that statement.

                If you go buy a car, what’s the first thing that you are recommended to do before using it?  If you buy anything, what is there usually a big warning sticker telling you to do before operating it?  You’re supposed to read the instruction manual.  You’re supposed to look at the thing that tells you how something works, what it is supposed to do, and what it wasn’t made to do.  Well, do you know what the instruction manual for marriage is?  Oh, it’s on the NY Times bestseller list, but it doesn’t have the word marriage anywhere in the title.  As we’ve said, marriage was created by God; it was instituted and ordained by God.  Therefore, the right instructions for marriage are to be found in God, and they are revealed to us by His Word.  We can’t look at therapists, financial advisors, or “love” experts to tell us how marriage is to work.  For that kind of information we have to look to God and God alone.  Without the proper care and maintenance that our marriage needs, it’s going to break down just like our cars would if left without maintenance.  Without the proper usage and treatment, it’s going to break down just like our cars would.  Marriage was designed by God, not for our enjoyment, but to honor and glorify God.  I truly believe that a strong Christian marriage is the greatest witness that we can have.

                Also, it wasn’t ordained just for God’s glory, but also to mirror our relationships with Christ.  That’s what Paul is teaching his audience here.  Our being able to see what marriage is about allows us to see our relationship with Christ in a much clearer light.  If we were to look back at this text and really focus in on the way in which Christ relates to the Church (as a husband should a wife), then we see Christ’s sacrifice, his giving himself up for her.  We see Christ’s want and desire to keep the Church pure and unblemished and holy (which means set apart).  Because of Christ’s leading and guiding the Church and because of his deep longing for her continued health and growth and betterment, the Church (i.e. Christians) are to willingly and lovingly submit to Christ in all things.  However, it isn’t some indentured servant type of submission, but a loving and completely willing submission.

                Let me make these remarks as a way of bundling up all that we’ve said thus far (and I know that there’s a lot I haven’t said).  Wives being submissive to their husbands isn’t a bad thing.  A husband being the head of the household is an order commanded by God.  However, simply because one is called to be the head and one is called to submit doesn’t mean any type of dominion exists in the relationship.  In fact, as I’ve pointed out, the call for the husband to love the wife is actually greater than the call for the wife to love the husband.  Don’t mistake me and say that men love deeper than women, that’s not what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about the command and call that God places upon individuals who enter into the covenant bond of marriage.

                As far as Paul teaching this in conjunction with our putting on the new self and remaining in the light of Christ and being filled with the Holy Spirit, the point is really quite simple.  Jesus is the husband of the Church, the bride of Christ.  He is the bridegroom.  Jesus’ love for the Church is so great that not only was he willing to die for it, but he did die for it.  I hear people say all the time that God is good and great and all that, but the Church is terrible.  I hear people say things like “you know the church is the problem with Christianity.  No one has a problem with God, it’s just with the church.”  But the question that I keep asking when I hear this is if the Church is so awful and not keeping with the commands of God, then why did Jesus die for her?

                The answer is simple…because he loves the Church.  Despite all of our faults and failures, Christ loves the Church.  I love my wife.  I don’t love everything about her though.  Her “pile” system drives me crazy.  Her mindset that being a few minutes late is perfectly acceptable is maddening.  And the fact that making plans is foolish with her because they’re going to change is quite irritating at times.  However, there is not one hesitation within my being that I would endure whatever punishment on her behalf.  It’s not even a choice in my mind; I would give up my life in a second for her to live.  I’m not trying to boast about my marriage, it’s just the only one that I have experience with.

                That’s how much Christ loves us, his Church.  He loves us so much that despite our sinful natures, despite our selfish desires, and our flawed hearts, he still died for us.  He endured the pain of death, yet even death on a cross for us.  He asked his Father three times to remove the cup from before him, but said that if it was God’s will then so be it.  Jesus Christ loves the Church so much that he gave his life for it.  The husband (Jesus) gave his life for his bride (the Church).  Now, we must submit to his loving authority out of reverence and complete and total affectionate obedience.  It’s not about us getting what we want, but about us submitting, yielding our lives to our Savior.  In the words of Oswald Chambers, “I have no right to say I believe in God unless I order my life as under His all-seeing Eye.”